help with the pain of loss

OK how can I start or what should I start with, right now there's pain in my heart, I just lost a good friend, I'm hurting and she wasn't my child I can imagine her mother. My friend left ed 2 very young boys , she just turned 32, full of life and depression and alcohol messed up her liver and life, you ask yourself why??? some say she took her own life but I don't and I just can't believe she would terminate her own life specially when she had plans, nobody makes plans if there are planning to take their life or would they??? questions, and more questions.Only time will tell. if anyone reads this and can help me please do your comments if truthful will help and ease this pain this feeling of denial.